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Yes I am. You need to keep a strong face. And everyone knows I'm crazy so it doesn't matter if I look bad in the morning.

You're not crazy.

[He sets his reports down, gets up to move to Ariel's nest. That Ariel still cares that he look strong to the public is an odd relief, it means his brother doesn't entirely loathe him as he'd feared.]

Can you honestly look at me and say that? What I'm not is stupid, Tristan.

[He pulls a blanket over his head and turns his back to Tristan, trying to end the conversation and shut him out. There's nothing else to call someone who can't control who they are. There's no other word for someone who harbors a second personality that thinks it would be loads of fun to murder everything in a five mile radius. Saying otherwise is just an empty attempt at comfort, and if it makes Tristan feel better, it certainly doesn't do the same for Ariel.]

You're dealing with something no one else could understand, that doesn't make you insane. The person you were might have been, but you aren't.

[What word is there for it? It's not possession. But it's not really as if Ariel in this life is insane himself. Tristan sits on the floor next to him, ignoring the obvious dismissal and Ariel's desire to have nothing to do with him.]

Don't act like you understand it yourself. Just leave me alone.

[He makes it sound so simple. Like that other person is totally separate from this Ariel, like it's something that ought to have a simple off switch. But it's not. Everything that's been dumped into his head has had a profound affect on this version, too. He's not okay. He's been altered and messed up, but he can't expect anyone else to understand that, just as Tristan said. No one else could grasp this kind of fear and anger and disorientation, so he won't even try to ask them to. He'll just keep it to himself and work it out himself, whatever that leads to.]

I don't intend to leave you alone. Not now or ever. You are stuck with me, in this life or any other. So if you wish me to understand, you'll have to help me understand. I'm tired enough of your silent treatment and sulking. Are you angry with what I've done? Certainly you can be as angry as you want. But I have given you time and space enough, ignoring me forever will not unmake what I've created of this world.

I'm not asking you to unmake this world. I'm just telling you I want no part of you. So you can either accept that I've changed from what you built for yourself or you can force me to acknowledge you and see how far I'll go to escape it. I think this whole thing has proven that I'm a terribly stubborn person.

You're rather stuck with me Ariel, don't be so overdramatic.

[Says the guy who parades around as a god and literally might as well be considering he more or less created this world as they know it.]

[He was born to be overdramatic Tristan you know this. And he's a distressed teenager so he's bound to be at his worst.]

I could always just make you rewrite me again. Then I'd go back to doing whatever you say. That's what you want, isn't it? I don't understand why you haven't done it yet, honestly.

Why do you think I want to rewrite you? You aren't a doll. That I had to do it once--no, that was someone else.

You think I'm someone who enjoys toying with lives Ariel? Or do you think because of what I've done I feel nothing for you?

I think you haven't listened to me or what I've really wanted my whole life. You saw nothing wrong with warping a child to your own ends, or with restricting me from being really happy as long as I was properly controlled, and now you see no problem with telling me you've had it with being ignored, when you're well aware that I have plenty of reason to want to be far away from you. You may care about me, and your own behavior may be "my" fault, but the fact remains that you will always take the option that puts me where you want me for your own use over the one that's actually best for me, so long as you can tell yourself you're only hurting me within an acceptable limit and any complaints are just childish dramatics.

[He listens actually, to the entire rant, calm enough, or seemingly so.]

What do you want then? You may not think it of me but I do condemn myself for things I've done. I'm not without a conscience. Perhaps had I let you see more of the world--or less. I failed to protect you, and your ire isn't unfounded. But I need you as well, unfair as you may find that, little as you want to do with me.

[He heaves a sigh, rolling over and pulling the blanket down so he can look Tristan in the eye. He tries to get a handle on his anger, but it's difficult, and he only manages somewhat because he's veering into a topic that bring up enough fear and uncertainty to make him unsteady.]

Do you really want to understand what I'm thinking, Tristan?

[He meets Ariel's eyes, not having to think about the response. As twisted and fucked up as he is, and as he's made their relationship, he does genuinely love Ariel. It might be a very warped and unnatural affection, but it's real. Tristan himself is probably not what anyone could call sane, not anyone with all the facts like Ariel has them. Though he fakes it so very well.]

I want to understand.

...

[He knows. They're both insane at this point, and he hates hates hates knowing that the person inside of him is responsible for making Tristan this way. That he wasn't always like that. That he started out good, and Ariel ruined it. As angry and betrayed as he feels, he loves his big brother and hates himself far more than he could possibly hate Tristan for screwing up in this lifetime.]

...You know how badly that person wants to hurt you, don't you? After what you did to him, he's so angry I can't put it into words. I'm angry at you too, but I'd never-- But when you're around, it's so loud I can hardly keep us separate. I don't feel like myself with you anymore, Tristan. It's only when you're gone that I can calm down and think. So even if I wasn't angry, I still would want to get away. I'm dissolving, like it or not, but I'll last longer without you.

[He has some idea, how much Ariel wants to hurt him for taking away his good ending. Sometimes it scares him if he thinks about it, it's an instinct by now, to be scared of Ariel. But at the same time he has power Ariel can never dream of. He won't let Ariel go in this or any other lifetime, and just like what made him rewrite the world, he won't let Ariel take away what he loves. Even if the thing is Ariel himself. No, it's not sane, but it's more determination and backbone than he ever showed in another life.]

You're not going to dissolve. [I won't let you.] If I could give you space and time to figure it out--but I can't. You're a target more than you've ever been and I don't trust anyone to keep you safe.

So what can I do, that isn't just letting you be a sitting target away from me, to help? You can't expect me to sit by and passively accept you struggling with this without my help. I love you, whatever you feel towards me I'm not going to abandon you, now or ever. So don't talk as if it's a matter of time, you aren't going to disappear.

You can't help. You're a god, but you're not that all-powerful. But it might do you some good to be reminded that I'm perfectly capable of defending myself now. I'm not what you created anymore.

I won't just--let you disappear!

I'm not just letting myself, either. I'm going to be me as long as I can be me, and I'll destroy my body before I let him have it. Either way, this was only your first try. You can just do better next time.

There won't be a next time! Don't ever talk of killing yourself--even if I remade the world and you in it a thousand times you wouldn't be this person in front of me right now. You're the brother I want to have with me, you're the Ariel I love, you're the person I need right here with me.

[Geez... When Tristan gets like that, he can't sustain being mad at him at all. There's so much he has to be angry about, and so much he doesn't know how he'll get past, but... But Tristan is still his beloved big brother, and seeing him so openly upset hurts.

So for the first time in weeks Ariel puts on a (sad, tired) smile, and reaches up to pinch his cheek.]

I'm sorry I'm not that strong, Tristan. But if you don't want to reset, that's okay. I do like this world. And you'll have Jupiter.

Actually, it would mean a lot to me if you'd keep this place and take care of him, even if I go away.

[He grabs Ariel's hand, holds it tightly in his. He refuses. Refuses refuses refuses to accept that this Ariel will disappear. He won't allow it.]

You aren't going anywhere. I won't let you go that easily. Don't you dare think that's an option.

What can you do?

[He squeezes back, pauses -- but it's that kind of pause, and then his smile is all wrong.]

You can beat me now, but it's not you who's fighting.

[He keeps hold of Ariel's hand, if anything holds tighter, frowning darkly but refusing to pull away.]

Your world is over. You should just stay a memory.

You know I won't. You failed to get rid of me, and now you're going to regret it.