[He heaves a sigh, rolling over and pulling the blanket down so he can look Tristan in the eye. He tries to get a handle on his anger, but it's difficult, and he only manages somewhat because he's veering into a topic that bring up enough fear and uncertainty to make him unsteady.]
Do you really want to understand what I'm thinking, Tristan?
[He meets Ariel's eyes, not having to think about the response. As twisted and fucked up as he is, and as he's made their relationship, he does genuinely love Ariel. It might be a very warped and unnatural affection, but it's real. Tristan himself is probably not what anyone could call sane, not anyone with all the facts like Ariel has them. Though he fakes it so very well.]
[He knows. They're both insane at this point, and he hates hates hates knowing that the person inside of him is responsible for making Tristan this way. That he wasn't always like that. That he started out good, and Ariel ruined it. As angry and betrayed as he feels, he loves his big brother and hates himself far more than he could possibly hate Tristan for screwing up in this lifetime.]
...You know how badly that person wants to hurt you, don't you? After what you did to him, he's so angry I can't put it into words. I'm angry at you too, but I'd never-- But when you're around, it's so loud I can hardly keep us separate. I don't feel like myself with you anymore, Tristan. It's only when you're gone that I can calm down and think. So even if I wasn't angry, I still would want to get away. I'm dissolving, like it or not, but I'll last longer without you.
[He has some idea, how much Ariel wants to hurt him for taking away his good ending. Sometimes it scares him if he thinks about it, it's an instinct by now, to be scared of Ariel. But at the same time he has power Ariel can never dream of. He won't let Ariel go in this or any other lifetime, and just like what made him rewrite the world, he won't let Ariel take away what he loves. Even if the thing is Ariel himself. No, it's not sane, but it's more determination and backbone than he ever showed in another life.]
You're not going to dissolve. [I won't let you.] If I could give you space and time to figure it out--but I can't. You're a target more than you've ever been and I don't trust anyone to keep you safe.
So what can I do, that isn't just letting you be a sitting target away from me, to help? You can't expect me to sit by and passively accept you struggling with this without my help. I love you, whatever you feel towards me I'm not going to abandon you, now or ever. So don't talk as if it's a matter of time, you aren't going to disappear.
You can't help. You're a god, but you're not that all-powerful. But it might do you some good to be reminded that I'm perfectly capable of defending myself now. I'm not what you created anymore.
I'm not just letting myself, either. I'm going to be me as long as I can be me, and I'll destroy my body before I let him have it. Either way, this was only your first try. You can just do better next time.
There won't be a next time! Don't ever talk of killing yourself--even if I remade the world and you in it a thousand times you wouldn't be this person in front of me right now. You're the brother I want to have with me, you're the Ariel I love, you're the person I need right here with me.
[Geez... When Tristan gets like that, he can't sustain being mad at him at all. There's so much he has to be angry about, and so much he doesn't know how he'll get past, but... But Tristan is still his beloved big brother, and seeing him so openly upset hurts.
So for the first time in weeks Ariel puts on a (sad, tired) smile, and reaches up to pinch his cheek.]
I'm sorry I'm not that strong, Tristan. But if you don't want to reset, that's okay. I do like this world. And you'll have Jupiter.
Actually, it would mean a lot to me if you'd keep this place and take care of him, even if I go away.
If I'm only a memory, how am I talking to you? There are only two answers. Either I still exist with a will of my own, or your little toy's so broken now that he's split himself in two just to cope with that "memory". Either way, I'm going to devour every last bit of him, but not until he's gotten his hands nice and dirty.
I don't particularly feel like indulging your threats with any fear. You won't harm him, and I won't allow you to harm anyone else. I will erase you, as a memory, as a person, the Ariel you're tormenting is a stronger person than you'll ever be again. You're dead, you should learn to stay that way, little brother.
[He just laughs, light and pleasant and terribly mocking.]
Will you really? You'll tear him apart if you try. You know that. Even you can't do that kind of precise surgery on the human mind. But sure, ruin him to get rid of me. If you leave even a single grain I'll come back and he'll be even weaker than he is now. And trust me, he's already pathetic in comparison to me.
No, I won't need to do that. He'll beat you without my interference. You can tell him and yourself that he's nothing compared to you all you want but the problem is he's you, he's you with all your stubbornness and will and intelligence but without what made you sick. The only way you exist now is because he is you, you must know that.
Your only chance of winning is to convince him he's less than you, but I won't be allowing you to do that.
I already have. He's already convinced of his inevitable defeat. That's your fault, of course. You raised him to be soft. Without noticing, you crippled his confidence. He's just a frightened child that thinks of himself as a fake and an object. He doesn't stand a chance.
I have no intention of keeping them apart. If anything, I think I'll ensure they spend more time together. Do you really think he'd allow you control enough to harm Jupiter? I trust him more than that. Perhaps I need to prove I trust him for him to have the strength to relegate you to the memory you belong as.
There's no end where I go away, Tristan. The biggest victory you can get at this point is forcing that boy to live with me inside of him forever. But, you know, even if I never win entirely, it won't be so bad. I'll always have one person to entertain me. Maybe I'll start having him take your place in his dreams. You did give me the experience of pain to draw from, that time.
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Do you really want to understand what I'm thinking, Tristan?
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I want to understand.
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[He knows. They're both insane at this point, and he hates hates hates knowing that the person inside of him is responsible for making Tristan this way. That he wasn't always like that. That he started out good, and Ariel ruined it. As angry and betrayed as he feels, he loves his big brother and hates himself far more than he could possibly hate Tristan for screwing up in this lifetime.]
...You know how badly that person wants to hurt you, don't you? After what you did to him, he's so angry I can't put it into words. I'm angry at you too, but I'd never-- But when you're around, it's so loud I can hardly keep us separate. I don't feel like myself with you anymore, Tristan. It's only when you're gone that I can calm down and think. So even if I wasn't angry, I still would want to get away. I'm dissolving, like it or not, but I'll last longer without you.
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You're not going to dissolve. [I won't let you.] If I could give you space and time to figure it out--but I can't. You're a target more than you've ever been and I don't trust anyone to keep you safe.
So what can I do, that isn't just letting you be a sitting target away from me, to help? You can't expect me to sit by and passively accept you struggling with this without my help. I love you, whatever you feel towards me I'm not going to abandon you, now or ever. So don't talk as if it's a matter of time, you aren't going to disappear.
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So for the first time in weeks Ariel puts on a (sad, tired) smile, and reaches up to pinch his cheek.]
I'm sorry I'm not that strong, Tristan. But if you don't want to reset, that's okay. I do like this world. And you'll have Jupiter.
Actually, it would mean a lot to me if you'd keep this place and take care of him, even if I go away.
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You aren't going anywhere. I won't let you go that easily. Don't you dare think that's an option.
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[He squeezes back, pauses -- but it's that kind of pause, and then his smile is all wrong.]
You can beat me now, but it's not you who's fighting.
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Your world is over. You should just stay a memory.
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Will you really? You'll tear him apart if you try. You know that. Even you can't do that kind of precise surgery on the human mind. But sure, ruin him to get rid of me. If you leave even a single grain I'll come back and he'll be even weaker than he is now. And trust me, he's already pathetic in comparison to me.
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Your only chance of winning is to convince him he's less than you, but I won't be allowing you to do that.
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