[He's definitely panicking, dropping his face into his hands and struggling to think straight and breathe evenly. This is why he knows he'll lose. That he could hurt Tristan at all is proof -- he's weak, and he can't help but be terrified of the monster inside of him.]
I-I told you I can't do this. He's right about everything.
[He inches forward, until he's kneeling in front of Ariel, gently taking his hands again.]
But he's wrong and I trust you to prove it. The only thing he's right about is I've stifled you, you don't have the confidence to see for yourself that you're capable and strong. For that I'm sorry.
But it'll change, I'll give you more freedom, I'll trust you, but you have to promise not to think of disappearing again.
[He shakes his head, cowering away from Tristan as if he's afraid he'll be hurt. But it's not Tristan he's scared of. It's the exact opposite. He's scared he'll be the one hurting someone, and he won't know when until it happens, and he won't be able to stop it.]
I don't want to hurt anyone.
[If it comes down to choosing between himself and others, he'll choose others. That's just the difference in how this Ariel's been wired, and where his substantial willpower is being directed.]
[He's careful and slow as he gathers his brother close, holding him if Ariel lets him.]
You won't. Don't be afraid. Because you are't someone who will hurt others for enjoyment. You won't let that echo do it, that wasn't even a sting Ariel. I absolutely believe you would do anything to stop from hurting someone. So I know you won't.
[He allows himself to be held, but he can't relax. The reassurances are nice, but the only go so deep when there's a voice in his head that sounds just like his own telling him it's all for nothing. It's true, he doesn't want to hurt anyone. But that's not his true nature, is it? Those feelings are a revision imposed by Tristan -- his whole self is a fantasy made for someone else's enjoyment. A fresh coat of paint over an ugly truth. Tristan's telling him he's strong, but at the same time someone else is accusing him of being nothing but a decorative automaton, and he feels like his own thoughts are being drowned out between the two. It's noisy and confusing and it hurts, so all he knows to do is shrink in on himself and cry in Tristan's arms.]
[He holds Ariel, petting his hair and offering what comfort and affection he can. All his love is probably not enough at all, but he's thinking. Ariel at least gave him a clue: what he's done wrong all this time is shelter his brother. Then in that case, he won't take away his protection but he can try to mitigate the damage of keeping Ariel confined and protected, give him more freedom and responsibility and trust and pray it helps. ]
Ariel it's all right. It will be all right. I love you. You'll be okay.
[It's not, and he's not okay, and he can't see himself being okay. But he knows it's not an argument they should keep having, because he'll never convince Tristan to agree with him and he probably doesn't want to. He's better off believing there's hope. So Ariel just shakes his head, trying to calm himself enough to pass it off as a finished episode.]
[Ariel's a liar and Tris knows it but what's the use of arguing? It'll upset them both. He runs his fingers through Ariel's hair, soothing and calming and caring, or possessive and protective, depending on your viewpoint.]
[No he doesn't. Or he kind of does. He knows that Tristan's messed up and their relationship has always been based on unhealthy dependency. But he also believes in Tris's ability to learn to cope, if he really tries.]
[It's nice that Ariel believes in him, this one at least. But Tristan and an older Ariel both know better, Tris isn't as strong as he pretends, not about this. So he needs it to work perhaps more than Ariel does--Ariel can give up, but Tris can't.]
[Gently, he tries to pry himself out of Tris's arms. It's not that he hates him. It's not that he can even sustain the kind of betrayed rage he felt when he first realised what and who he was. But he can't get over the anger entirely, he can't banish the queasy half-guilty, half-used feeling, and the fact still remains that the closer he is to Tristan, the close his thoughts and those of his other self align.]
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[He's definitely panicking, dropping his face into his hands and struggling to think straight and breathe evenly. This is why he knows he'll lose. That he could hurt Tristan at all is proof -- he's weak, and he can't help but be terrified of the monster inside of him.]
I-I told you I can't do this. He's right about everything.
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[He inches forward, until he's kneeling in front of Ariel, gently taking his hands again.]
But he's wrong and I trust you to prove it. The only thing he's right about is I've stifled you, you don't have the confidence to see for yourself that you're capable and strong. For that I'm sorry.
But it'll change, I'll give you more freedom, I'll trust you, but you have to promise not to think of disappearing again.
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[He shakes his head, cowering away from Tristan as if he's afraid he'll be hurt. But it's not Tristan he's scared of. It's the exact opposite. He's scared he'll be the one hurting someone, and he won't know when until it happens, and he won't be able to stop it.]
I don't want to hurt anyone.
[If it comes down to choosing between himself and others, he'll choose others. That's just the difference in how this Ariel's been wired, and where his substantial willpower is being directed.]
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[He's careful and slow as he gathers his brother close, holding him if Ariel lets him.]
You won't. Don't be afraid. Because you are't someone who will hurt others for enjoyment. You won't let that echo do it, that wasn't even a sting Ariel. I absolutely believe you would do anything to stop from hurting someone. So I know you won't.
You just have to realize it.
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Ariel it's all right. It will be all right. I love you. You'll be okay.
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[It's not, and he's not okay, and he can't see himself being okay. But he knows it's not an argument they should keep having, because he'll never convince Tristan to agree with him and he probably doesn't want to. He's better off believing there's hope. So Ariel just shakes his head, trying to calm himself enough to pass it off as a finished episode.]
But... I'll try.
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I need you with me Ariel. More than you think.
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[No he doesn't. Or he kind of does. He knows that Tristan's messed up and their relationship has always been based on unhealthy dependency. But he also believes in Tris's ability to learn to cope, if he really tries.]
Let's go to bed, okay?
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[It's nice that Ariel believes in him, this one at least. But Tristan and an older Ariel both know better, Tris isn't as strong as he pretends, not about this. So he needs it to work perhaps more than Ariel does--Ariel can give up, but Tris can't.]
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[Gently, he tries to pry himself out of Tris's arms. It's not that he hates him. It's not that he can even sustain the kind of betrayed rage he felt when he first realised what and who he was. But he can't get over the anger entirely, he can't banish the queasy half-guilty, half-used feeling, and the fact still remains that the closer he is to Tristan, the close his thoughts and those of his other self align.]
I'll be fine right here.
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[Tristan doesn't sleep well alone, if he's not going to get any decent sleep anyway, Ariel might as well have a comfortable night.]
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